4 Things I Learned from Having a Child with Autism
April is Autism Awareness Month, so I am veering off my usual course of writing about health and fitness to give you a little glimpse of our family's life. I am writing in honor of my son, Tyler, who is living with autism.
When your child is diagnosed with autism, you see many of your dreams die before your eyes. Instead of looking forward to the excitement of what your child's future holds, you instead live with worry, fear, and oftentimes dread. Your life becomes an endless parade of therapists, case managers, doctors, teachers... the list goes on. Even with so many people surrounding you and despite your total lack of privacy, you feel alone. But there are many things that I have learned in my eleven years as the mom of a special needs child that I would not trade for anything.
1. My dreams didn't die, they just get replaced with new ones. We all have ideas of what we want for our children's lives. I still don't know just how independent Tyler will be able to be in his adult life, but my ultimate dream for him is actually the same as it was on the day he was born: that he will be a happy, loved person. Period. Isn't that really what we ALL want deep down at the core of it? So, while his life (and ours) may well end up looking very different than I first visualized, that is ok. I know there will be many struggles on the path, but nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy.
2. I am stronger than I knew. Having a child with autism is hard. There have been so many times when I just wanted to give up, when life seemed hopeless, when I didn't think I could get through even one more day. But everyday I wake up, get out of bed, and put one foot in front of the other. I mean, really, what's the alternative? Sometimes it is in those moments when you feel like you can't possibly make it through another day that you realize the full potential of who YOU are. Through the exhaustion, the depression, and the fear emerged a strong, confident woman that I didn't know was inside of me. I will not be beaten.
3. It really IS necessary to take some time for yourself. People used to tell me that all the time, and it made me really angry. I thought "and just WHEN am I supposed to do THAT??" The thing is, I wasn't doing anyone, including myself, any favors by being the martyr mom who sacrificed everything for her children. Until I moved myself up on my priority list, I did not realize how much I NEEDED to be taken care of. I realized that if I, as the primary caretaker, was not healthy and in a good place mentally, then my family suffers. I cannot effectively take care of my children or be a good wife if I am sick, depressed, angry, lonely, etc. I started scheduling time early in the morning to work out. I changed my diet so that I was eating healthy, clean foods. I now take care of my body and I have found that it put me in a much better frame of mind. So, there it is, my healthy living tidbit for the day. :)
4. Love really does conquer all. I know it sounds cliché, but I would not change Tyler. I would love to lessen his struggles and make the world a kinder place for him, but in truth, his struggles are part of what makes him who he is. I am in love with this boy who struggles to hold a conversation, who can only make fleeting eye contact with me, and who twists his hair when he's anxious and jumps up and down flapping his hands when he's excited. Who's hugs are all the more precious because of how much work it takes for him to be comfortable with being held. Who at eleven years old, still cannot hold eating utensils the right way, cannot tie his shoes, and cannot for the life of him remember to bring his lunch box home from school. He holds my heart, and he always will. Because of love, I will never give up on him. I will never fail to see his vast potential and the great contributions he will make to this world we live in. I will appreciate every small victory, and move on from every defeat. His smile will always be enough for me.
When struggles enter our life, we have a choice to make. We can let our challenges destroy us, or we can rise above and recognize those experiences for the gifts that they are. Every challenge is a chance to learn and grow. Our struggles can make us better, stronger, kinder, more confident people if we allow them to. It's all about how we choose to view the hard times in our lives and our reactions to them. I choose to look at every day with my son, my daughter, and my husband as a gift, whether that particular day has been a good day or not. Autism entered our lives as an unwelcome guest, but we have learned to embrace the positive and trudge through the challenges, one day at a time. We are a family, and that's what families do.
When your child is diagnosed with autism, you see many of your dreams die before your eyes. Instead of looking forward to the excitement of what your child's future holds, you instead live with worry, fear, and oftentimes dread. Your life becomes an endless parade of therapists, case managers, doctors, teachers... the list goes on. Even with so many people surrounding you and despite your total lack of privacy, you feel alone. But there are many things that I have learned in my eleven years as the mom of a special needs child that I would not trade for anything.
1. My dreams didn't die, they just get replaced with new ones. We all have ideas of what we want for our children's lives. I still don't know just how independent Tyler will be able to be in his adult life, but my ultimate dream for him is actually the same as it was on the day he was born: that he will be a happy, loved person. Period. Isn't that really what we ALL want deep down at the core of it? So, while his life (and ours) may well end up looking very different than I first visualized, that is ok. I know there will be many struggles on the path, but nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy.
2. I am stronger than I knew. Having a child with autism is hard. There have been so many times when I just wanted to give up, when life seemed hopeless, when I didn't think I could get through even one more day. But everyday I wake up, get out of bed, and put one foot in front of the other. I mean, really, what's the alternative? Sometimes it is in those moments when you feel like you can't possibly make it through another day that you realize the full potential of who YOU are. Through the exhaustion, the depression, and the fear emerged a strong, confident woman that I didn't know was inside of me. I will not be beaten.
3. It really IS necessary to take some time for yourself. People used to tell me that all the time, and it made me really angry. I thought "and just WHEN am I supposed to do THAT??" The thing is, I wasn't doing anyone, including myself, any favors by being the martyr mom who sacrificed everything for her children. Until I moved myself up on my priority list, I did not realize how much I NEEDED to be taken care of. I realized that if I, as the primary caretaker, was not healthy and in a good place mentally, then my family suffers. I cannot effectively take care of my children or be a good wife if I am sick, depressed, angry, lonely, etc. I started scheduling time early in the morning to work out. I changed my diet so that I was eating healthy, clean foods. I now take care of my body and I have found that it put me in a much better frame of mind. So, there it is, my healthy living tidbit for the day. :)
4. Love really does conquer all. I know it sounds cliché, but I would not change Tyler. I would love to lessen his struggles and make the world a kinder place for him, but in truth, his struggles are part of what makes him who he is. I am in love with this boy who struggles to hold a conversation, who can only make fleeting eye contact with me, and who twists his hair when he's anxious and jumps up and down flapping his hands when he's excited. Who's hugs are all the more precious because of how much work it takes for him to be comfortable with being held. Who at eleven years old, still cannot hold eating utensils the right way, cannot tie his shoes, and cannot for the life of him remember to bring his lunch box home from school. He holds my heart, and he always will. Because of love, I will never give up on him. I will never fail to see his vast potential and the great contributions he will make to this world we live in. I will appreciate every small victory, and move on from every defeat. His smile will always be enough for me.When struggles enter our life, we have a choice to make. We can let our challenges destroy us, or we can rise above and recognize those experiences for the gifts that they are. Every challenge is a chance to learn and grow. Our struggles can make us better, stronger, kinder, more confident people if we allow them to. It's all about how we choose to view the hard times in our lives and our reactions to them. I choose to look at every day with my son, my daughter, and my husband as a gift, whether that particular day has been a good day or not. Autism entered our lives as an unwelcome guest, but we have learned to embrace the positive and trudge through the challenges, one day at a time. We are a family, and that's what families do.
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